Early

It's too early to be discussing family dynamics with my father. I get it he's laid back, he let's ish slide, he generally keeps quiet even when he shouldn't simply he doesn't care for the drama. I get it. No drama.

He keeps telling me that he can't parent us because we grew up here, because we don't understand what he's saying. So he simply lets us be. However, my point of contention is when he asks me to help him police my sisters it's simply a lose lose situation for me. First of all, somewhere along the way my *younger* sisters have decided I'm some sort of moronic asshole who's opinion doesn't really count. Let's discount the fact I held more jobs at Rutgers, volunteered as well, double majored and graduated with a pretty darn good GPA. In four years and a membership in Golden Key, thank you. High school, got my butt into an exclusive county program that more or less guaranteed their butts in there because I was already in it. C'mon! I beat out 272 kids for one spot in a class of 28 kids. Then a year in social work then 4.5 years working in midtown. I'm not an expert at alot of things but I'm hardly inexperienced. Yet they talk to me like I'm an idiot. So now I'm the idiot who's trying to tell them something and I'm the idiot who's not their parent. Basically I end up the idiot on their ish-list.

I told him we need parenting. How can Tim tell Stephanie that she's not allowed to talk to Juju that way but she turns around and does the exact thing to him? You can't expect a kid to do as I say not as I do bs. She's 6! It's pretty much monkey see, monkey do. Generally I try not to start conversations of any inflammatory nature to either of them because I get the barked out response despite the fact I've gotten good at using my inside voice. But F me when they talk like that to me. Some people really do need a reality check via punch in the head. And by inflammatory everything except puppies, kittens, and Ramen [because who the fuck doesn't like Ramen?]. About the parenting, he brings up my mother again and about how she knew that he was going to be the quiet one. I don't think he gets the whole step up to the plate talk because he keeps insisting that's how he is. I hope he doesn't expect change. Or improvement. Because without any proper communication we're pretty much fucked.

And reason 1 million it sucks my mother is dead. This fucking bs. It's hysterical because if I somehow get into my head that I really really really want to talk to her, I'd go fucking hang myself they wouldn't even see it coming because nobody talks about the important shit. Well now I've gone and said it.