If it weren't for the teeny fact that I work around Times Sq, I'd avoid it like the plague tomorrow. However, I am on the schedule for tomorrow so I must go to work. I'm hoping the overnight doesn't call out because that'll just be complete sh!t on his part and that he shows up early. I could possibly catch the train back home and actually be home when it hits midnight. Either which way it's just another day right?
2009 sucked @ss, let's face it. I was unemployed for 10.5 months of it, spiraling into a depression involving my self worth and confidence in my intelligence and ability to contribute to the human race. Considering I hadn't actually quite pulled myself out of my mother passing away depression, it's a frakkin wonder I didn't start randomly stabbing myself just to feel something else. Whoever said vanity was bad never had to use it to prevent a physical manifestation of the sad darkness infecting a person's mind. Honestly, don't think it's possible to dig one's heart out and stay conscious but God help me I had days I wanted to try with a knife. My relationship trudges on, struggles on, but miraculously lives on and I hope it does so until the day one of us dies. My family continues to be a microcosm of dysfunction, fraught with denial and an unbelievable stubbornness to compromise with reality or at least learn from it. On the bright side, my one remaining parent continues to believe in his children, even though he still sees and treats us as such... Hmm... Everyone loses with her passing and for the rest of time there will be no one else quite like her.
Do not misunderstand, there were some bright points to 2009. Hanging out with my father and learning about his life is certainly rewarding. I get to know my father some. I could also point out that I wouldn't have gotten this chance if my mother was still alive because my father pretty much kept to himself, believing we would misunderstand him and choosing instead to keep his mouth shut. He's a watcher/character studier more than anything, and if you needed the low down on someone he'd be the one to ask. I went to a few concerts with my sisters which were always fun. I got to attend Devils games since I wasn't working nights and got to watch all Yankees season. And yeah the Yankees rule haha! And I work in a place that is hella less stressful than the cancermount but being colored by past experiences, I may never trust another work place again. Plus the squicky feeling I'll always get that I accepted a job unknowingly as someone's replacement. Not for nothing, the kid was ickier than a dried used condom stuck to the bottom of your shoe after a night of binge drinking, but still... being fired sucks and knowing you "trained" your own replacement's gotta burn. Hopefully he learns from it and that's the most I can say about that.
I neither have any useful advice for the coming year nor resolutions to attempt to follow. Seriously agree with Yoda here regarding resolutions: do or do not, there is no try. Quitting smoking was the one goal I stuck to so the rest hopefully just falls in place in due time with a little bit of effort and conscious awareness on my part to do better. To borrow from someone's facebook advice for the coming year, he had no other advice for people but "don't get dead." Simple no? LoL! I will say this again. Just be yourself...unless you suck.
Cheers to a healthy and prosperous new year! Jeers to the things that keep us from being better individuals. Onward to the next decade! Remember when we thought the whole world would collapse in 2000?! Gosh we were all so lame! Ahh memories... :) Happy New Year!!
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