Warehouse fire, been burning at least a full day in Elizabeth NJ. Taken 12/22/11 from turnpike while travelling on bus.
Dec 28, 2011
Jun 16, 2011
Laying about...
what an interesting journey. and by interesting i mean tiring and unfulfilling but lesson learned nonetheless. never ever work for someone for so long who's inconsistent, insincere and most definitely incompetent without a single streak of gratitude or recognition or appreciation for ethic, ability and dedication. duly noted.
it's amazing how astounded i still am that i run into an invidual who actually has a drive in life to make other lives miserable or difficult, who takes pleasure in the discomfort of others. what's the point really? i used to work for a lawyer, back in the days when i thought i could make a difference from a legal perspective but i digress... and anyway this lawywer once in a while would throw her hands up and get completely frustrated with the state of the world. like it was just one battle after another but the war wages on with no end in site and really a person can only take so much before they're frustrated and want to sit at a bar. ponder on about life and its meaning or questioning our place in the world. one day, buried in paperwork and hours into research in the law library she decided to up and leave and head out for martinis. So we got into her subaru all the while muttering wildly about in a 100 years no one will give a shit or remember and what the fuck are we doing this for. i've had my moments like that, where the life seems so long and so short at the same time and i'm dwarfed by the enormity of it all. and i'm torn between wanting to run and never ever stop or just stand still and wait for the inevitable because it won't really matter. even history is biased by whomever wrote it. it's not really real or maybe it is but humans are biased. i always said people want to do right or what they thing is right but what defines right and who are we to judge what is. now i'm just rambling. it all seems so pointless.
my mother was a kind woman but she didn't sugar coat anything to make you feel better [there isn't any more food because we are poor] but she kept you safe [but i'll give you my share so your tummy will stop growling]. she'd call you fat if you did gain considerable weight but she'd also say things will always work out because she believed you'd make the right choices for yourself. and she didn't meddle even if maybe sometimes you thought she should because you really didn't have a bleeding clue what you should do next and maybe a different perspective or lifetime might shed some light on a solution, conclusion. if people wronged her, she accepted the humanity of it all and acknowledged that there would be a part of her that would cut the person in the face for whatever trespass. but i've seen it happen plenty of times, children implicitly trusted her even if they didn't know her because maybe they knew she would keep them safe.
oh i don't know. i think i'm just beyond exhausted. i have never been so disrespected in my life. there was knowledge and gut instinct that something very very wicked was coming but ever since the fight went out of me, i did nothing to avoid it. it was a choice i suppose. i could've stepped to the side and just avoided this whole exercise in testing my will and strength to keep my dignity intact. but really by the grace of God is the reason i'm not fully insane. even if sometimes we have a shaky relationship. to the job, as always but i do have to leave.
may God have mercy.
May 27, 2011
Doctor Who?
So I'm off today and watched the DW BBC rewind special on OnDemand. I'd forgotten how good this show is, the 9th Doctor and all. Can't forget your first doctor et al. This lead to acquiring a TARDIS hub, which I right wanted anyhow so everything's shiny....
I'm home alone at the moment, trying to get stuff done. Washed the dishes, straightened out the living room and now folding up some laundry (as soon as I'm done with this post). Got Jaynestown playing in the back. Haven't even checked my work email.
Birthday's coming up. Still no name for the MacBook. Kuya Uge purchased a Galaxy Tab this past week. He's going to bring it around the old folks in Queens and So.Jersey and have them connect with family back in the PI. Right good idea. Tim is back from Ecuador, since Wednesday. Got her point and shoot Sony camera stolen but a mindful of memories, pleasant I hope. Gotta get back to...
Feb 14, 2011
Less than three
Happy Valentine's Day!
I guess... *frown* hmm...I wore my cowboy boots today for the first time! Yay! Right?
Well that wasn't very cheery.... and go!
Work sucked, misslightbright's last week and training two new staff on top of it all. One part timer and littlemissselfcentered's replacement. Seriously, I feel like all I've been doing is trying to keep my sanity and this staff/schedule together. I should get paid what I get paid now just for doing the schedule and managing these personalities. Front desk is easy peasy, it's the people who make it hard. Anyhoot, there's that and I'm still taking applications and hoping my two bellmen aren't late. Richard is on vacation for a week so there's one less person ignoring what I have to say.
Giant is moving to Newark. I think I'm the only one between the two of us who's even a teeny bit upset he's moving to Jersey. I love Jersey but there's something bittersweet about moving away from where you grew up. And he's a fine old school New Yorker who's getting pushed out by all the midwestern/southern transplants who dare call themselves NewYorkers after yelling at a cab driver. Duh...who wouldn't yell at cabbies?! They drive like mad! When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Not when in Rome, make it feel like Podunk, USA's wannabe chic & hipster transplants. On the plus side, the Rock is really close to Giant and that I can feel ok about.
My first set of photography books arrived today. I'm not sure if there's a sort of curriculum packet I'm still waiting for though as the books that arrived read like my Amazon.com orders. Regardless I'm excited. Also, excited that I may have to purchase a Mac just to get the best software for this. Macs last just under forever and PCs are just so fickle for some stuff.
Parental unit has an appointment with the doc tomorrow. I wonder if his test results came in. It's funny he always says he's weak minded. But father dearest always convinces himself he's sick every time it gets cold. His mind convinces him he's getting worse and despite doc's giving him the all clear, he'll lie there in bed all day coughing and groaning in pain. Percaset (sp) doesn't work on him! O_o I have no clue how he does it... He's coughing downstairs right now.
Grapegum is back from Europe. Flowers from her dude on the dining room table. It just makes me...
MadRatter is probably on the computer or watching TV til her eyes bleed.
I'm glad it's warmer out today. The groundhog supposedly predicted spring will be here sooner. Witchcraft I tell ya. But I'm just waiting for the rain so I can wear my red Hunter boots. They arrived last week.
I guess... *frown* hmm...I wore my cowboy boots today for the first time! Yay! Right?
Well that wasn't very cheery.... and go!
Work sucked, misslightbright's last week and training two new staff on top of it all. One part timer and littlemissselfcentered's replacement. Seriously, I feel like all I've been doing is trying to keep my sanity and this staff/schedule together. I should get paid what I get paid now just for doing the schedule and managing these personalities. Front desk is easy peasy, it's the people who make it hard. Anyhoot, there's that and I'm still taking applications and hoping my two bellmen aren't late. Richard is on vacation for a week so there's one less person ignoring what I have to say.
Giant is moving to Newark. I think I'm the only one between the two of us who's even a teeny bit upset he's moving to Jersey. I love Jersey but there's something bittersweet about moving away from where you grew up. And he's a fine old school New Yorker who's getting pushed out by all the midwestern/southern transplants who dare call themselves NewYorkers after yelling at a cab driver. Duh...who wouldn't yell at cabbies?! They drive like mad! When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Not when in Rome, make it feel like Podunk, USA's wannabe chic & hipster transplants. On the plus side, the Rock is really close to Giant and that I can feel ok about.
My first set of photography books arrived today. I'm not sure if there's a sort of curriculum packet I'm still waiting for though as the books that arrived read like my Amazon.com orders. Regardless I'm excited. Also, excited that I may have to purchase a Mac just to get the best software for this. Macs last just under forever and PCs are just so fickle for some stuff.
Parental unit has an appointment with the doc tomorrow. I wonder if his test results came in. It's funny he always says he's weak minded. But father dearest always convinces himself he's sick every time it gets cold. His mind convinces him he's getting worse and despite doc's giving him the all clear, he'll lie there in bed all day coughing and groaning in pain. Percaset (sp) doesn't work on him! O_o I have no clue how he does it... He's coughing downstairs right now.
Grapegum is back from Europe. Flowers from her dude on the dining room table. It just makes me...
MadRatter is probably on the computer or watching TV til her eyes bleed.
I'm glad it's warmer out today. The groundhog supposedly predicted spring will be here sooner. Witchcraft I tell ya. But I'm just waiting for the rain so I can wear my red Hunter boots. They arrived last week.
Jan 30, 2011
Sittin' in my room
right hand cramp. kid on the computer downstairs. father watching bball. bro in the basement watching nottinghill. sisters down in florida for tita fe & tito mady's 50th anniversary. they're renewing their vows. my parents would've hit the golden one in a couple more years, if the whole death do us part thing didn't happen.
stressed about work, old news. new news is almost going mental at work. i was so emotionally drained i couldn't get out of there until 7pm. i hate that place. and no matter how ridiculous [ie unprofessional petulant children] the staff acts, i still feel guiltily responsible when they're not content with their station. then again, they don't give a frak about me so really i'm not sure why i even bother. especially when a handful of them don't come to work on time.
i enrolled in a correspondence course at ny international photography school. they were running a sale, $500 saved on tuition for paying all in one shot. i don't think i'll ever be a cop because i'm so frakked in the head i'm the last person that should have that kind of authority. but maybe with this certification, i can end up being the devils' photographer. that would be neat... or you know, just have my own business and make my own hours. and be generally less sour as a person. that'd be super neat...
gotta jet. still need to get dressed after my shower, do a load of laundry, iron & fold. see the kiddie off and call leo to discuss work. fun times indeedy.
stressed about work, old news. new news is almost going mental at work. i was so emotionally drained i couldn't get out of there until 7pm. i hate that place. and no matter how ridiculous [ie unprofessional petulant children] the staff acts, i still feel guiltily responsible when they're not content with their station. then again, they don't give a frak about me so really i'm not sure why i even bother. especially when a handful of them don't come to work on time.
i enrolled in a correspondence course at ny international photography school. they were running a sale, $500 saved on tuition for paying all in one shot. i don't think i'll ever be a cop because i'm so frakked in the head i'm the last person that should have that kind of authority. but maybe with this certification, i can end up being the devils' photographer. that would be neat... or you know, just have my own business and make my own hours. and be generally less sour as a person. that'd be super neat...
gotta jet. still need to get dressed after my shower, do a load of laundry, iron & fold. see the kiddie off and call leo to discuss work. fun times indeedy.
Jan 7, 2011
2011
Belated Happy New Year!
I began the new year at work. It's fortunate that I don't believe half of my island superstition anymore. Like whatever you're doing at the start of the new year is what you'll be doing for the rest of the year because I gotta tell you, if I'm still working at that hotel next new year's you'll see me hanging from the ceiling of the duplex suite. I also don't jump up at the stroke of midnight to grow taller but I still keep money in my pocket and make sure the house has a bowl of apples and oranges. Somethings I like to hang on to. Anyway, Giant, the sisters and Joe hung out in the duplex suite at the hotel for NYE. I was the MOD. Blah....
Aside from the lack of sleep and recently more biting headaches and the weird dreams of random things in my life blowing up, I think I'm doing ok. Admittedly, I wasthisclose to bursting into tears at work because OMFG these people. I'm not talking about guests, but the actual people I work with. Holy hot mess; the term shit rolls downhill is never more accurate. And God strike me down if I'm any at all untruthful in this regard, but this place is frakking worse than ghettomount! That is a bloody lot, lemme tell you because the g'mount ate your soul & changes you; vile hell beast that it is! I keep thinking to myself I'm putting in the time for some other job or some other recognition or future aspiration. Put in my time and hopefully we can get something out of it. I'm not excluding myself in this hot mess either because Lord knows I screw myself over all the time. My hyper work ethic always gets taken advantage of and my inner dork that wants to fit gets me in situations I don't want to be in; like covering for someone on a Saturday night when I made plans over a month ago. Plans with old school gfs for a bday. And I could be a real dick about it because truth is, didn't see a request form for days off. Just because we're cool, doesn't mean rules don't have to be followed. Also why I've been screwed over, senior bellman just up & left for a frakking MONTH when he gave a damn impression it was the end of the month. UGH. Nevermind one of the supervisors constant woe is me, whiny attitude... seriously you work like 3 days and you can't come to work on time and you have things to complain about?! Should've fired your ass a long time ago but I gave my damn word about supporting your education & not a single sincere thank you has been uttered. My bad to my instincts; you may keep repeating your "told ya" mantra.
HONESTLY! [heard that in an English accent] I've come to the conclusion that the words entitlement and appreciation do NOT go together. When did adults become SOFT as hell? When did getting paid for a job stop being congruent with doing said job? When did people lose respect for boundaries and stations in the work place? What the hell happened to work ethic?! Again, this is the source of my constant frustration. I keep *expecting* people to *react* to challenging work situations like *I* would. I'm not so sure anymore why I'm so invested in things running smoothly at work or having to do it myself to make sure. Spread pretty thin there and I sure as hell am not compensated fairly for this foolishness. Nevermind all are not treated equally by management. Case in point, my 7 banked holidays and nowhere on the horizon to be able to take them and yet certain individuals can take 4 day weekends during black out periods. I feel like one existence was presented to me and as soon as I stepped through the threshold, it was a whole different story.
It's not even I wish I could say no to taking FOM; I wish I said no to the whole job altogether and never worked there at all.
And now, I email about not coming in tomorrow.
I began the new year at work. It's fortunate that I don't believe half of my island superstition anymore. Like whatever you're doing at the start of the new year is what you'll be doing for the rest of the year because I gotta tell you, if I'm still working at that hotel next new year's you'll see me hanging from the ceiling of the duplex suite. I also don't jump up at the stroke of midnight to grow taller but I still keep money in my pocket and make sure the house has a bowl of apples and oranges. Somethings I like to hang on to. Anyway, Giant, the sisters and Joe hung out in the duplex suite at the hotel for NYE. I was the MOD. Blah....
Aside from the lack of sleep and recently more biting headaches and the weird dreams of random things in my life blowing up, I think I'm doing ok. Admittedly, I wasthisclose to bursting into tears at work because OMFG these people. I'm not talking about guests, but the actual people I work with. Holy hot mess; the term shit rolls downhill is never more accurate. And God strike me down if I'm any at all untruthful in this regard, but this place is frakking worse than ghettomount! That is a bloody lot, lemme tell you because the g'mount ate your soul & changes you; vile hell beast that it is! I keep thinking to myself I'm putting in the time for some other job or some other recognition or future aspiration. Put in my time and hopefully we can get something out of it. I'm not excluding myself in this hot mess either because Lord knows I screw myself over all the time. My hyper work ethic always gets taken advantage of and my inner dork that wants to fit gets me in situations I don't want to be in; like covering for someone on a Saturday night when I made plans over a month ago. Plans with old school gfs for a bday. And I could be a real dick about it because truth is, didn't see a request form for days off. Just because we're cool, doesn't mean rules don't have to be followed. Also why I've been screwed over, senior bellman just up & left for a frakking MONTH when he gave a damn impression it was the end of the month. UGH. Nevermind one of the supervisors constant woe is me, whiny attitude... seriously you work like 3 days and you can't come to work on time and you have things to complain about?! Should've fired your ass a long time ago but I gave my damn word about supporting your education & not a single sincere thank you has been uttered. My bad to my instincts; you may keep repeating your "told ya" mantra.
HONESTLY! [heard that in an English accent] I've come to the conclusion that the words entitlement and appreciation do NOT go together. When did adults become SOFT as hell? When did getting paid for a job stop being congruent with doing said job? When did people lose respect for boundaries and stations in the work place? What the hell happened to work ethic?! Again, this is the source of my constant frustration. I keep *expecting* people to *react* to challenging work situations like *I* would. I'm not so sure anymore why I'm so invested in things running smoothly at work or having to do it myself to make sure. Spread pretty thin there and I sure as hell am not compensated fairly for this foolishness. Nevermind all are not treated equally by management. Case in point, my 7 banked holidays and nowhere on the horizon to be able to take them and yet certain individuals can take 4 day weekends during black out periods. I feel like one existence was presented to me and as soon as I stepped through the threshold, it was a whole different story.
It's not even I wish I could say no to taking FOM; I wish I said no to the whole job altogether and never worked there at all.
And now, I email about not coming in tomorrow.
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