Happy New Year!

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

I'm always fine. Even when I'm not, I'm fine.

I could say I have resolutions to make myself better but I find that when I give myself big general goals, it never happens because the Gemini in me wants to flit about and not really deal with a big picture. I know, Giant points it out all the time that I'm unwilling to deal with things that have long lasting repercussions. I'm not sure if it's a mental block or a maturity thing or hell, just honest to God denial about reality and all it's little details but either which way, I can be assured my name is not Peter Pan. I'm not even close to Wendy; I don't have a dog for one though I do have the younger (read: immature) siblings. If only I could have a limitless bank account I could perhaps "cure" this thing....whatever it is.

I think I need to take it day by day because when I think long term I get discouraged. This learned helplessness is hard to shake off so I have to take baby steps, think baby thoughts even. It sounds ridiculous at the age of 31 but I think I went a little off the grid for a long while and forgive me but I have to find my way. It may take some time but I'm optimistic it shouldn't take forever. I try. Some days I don't. And some days I think of Yoda and he says there is no try but do and do not are easier said than done.

The sun is out, daylight is burning and my to do list isn't nearly half done.

So...2011. Most of this year I spent in frustration. I really should have other interests because when all your eggs are in one basket, you do become a basket case. So after the Beast below's backstabbing reorganization of the hotel for the "betterment" of said hotel in order to place her drunken lout of a "friend" in my position, it was glaringly obvious I do not care for any sort of boss ever. And now I need an exit plan while I save resources and I really, really should build some sort of contact list. Oh and finish this bloody course and enter some amateur competitions because photographs really are beautiful and I so, so wish I was already there. But every journey begins with a step so I really must be going.

2012, please be kind and I promise I'll be kinder to others. Though I ask your forgiveness now for any indiscretions I may do in my fits of emotional irrationality, and I'm not talking about the time of the month moments. Peace!