56th post

I used to volunteer at Rutgers, a peer counseling organization called 56 Place and it was located on the 3rd floor of Bishop House with the round window looking out into the quad. I used to spend as much time as possible there, waiting for people to call and ask for help or just call and to not be lonely even for 5 minutes on a campus with thousands of people. Because that's the worse feeling, being alone in a crowd. 56 Place has been replaced by Scarlet Listeners, which is fine. They still have the same policies. I volunteered there for 3 years, whatever free time I had left that wasn't promised to classes or the 2 jobs that I had for 2 of those years. And I still managed to graduate in 4 years with 2 majors. I miss those better days. Simpler, more structured. If I wasn't such a candy ass, I'd have signed myself up for the military.

DMB said the future is no place to place your better days. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if the better days are in the past and I'm just hunkering down in the trenches for a fight for the rest of my life. Most of the time I'm fighting myself.

Well I msg'd ChasingAmy if she knew any good resume writers who can help me tailor for every specific thing I'm going to be applying to. I drank a ginormous amount of coffee in my 70's retro cup. And my father is downstairs pondering what we should make for dinner. I had wanted to write about what ifs but when I saw this would be my 56th post I got distracted. I have 6 tabs open, 4 are job related. I have to stop fighting myself. I'm not sure when I became so slow to get things done or not at all. I always got things done, even if it was the 11th hour it got done and most of the time, I did well.

I should've been volunteering this whole time. I wouldn't have been in my head so much. Then again, most of my motivation in life had been fueled by my desire to forget something so...