Forgotten

I hadn't forgotten. I just hadn't gone to Rosehill in 2 weeks, the last Sunday of 2008 and the first Sunday of 2009. Yesterday makes it 19 months and Tay and I went for our usual Dunkin Donuts en route to cemetery. No smoking anymore though. I haven't smoked in 12 days. Yay me. I miss my mother. We had come from dropping Dawn off to work and then headed to Phil-Am in Colonia to get some bigas. And Clover chips.

I got into another misunderstanding with Joaquin earlier today. Always something silly but as usual I was defensive & loudmouthed and he yelled at me. I hung up on him, didn't want to hear him ask me what's wrong with me. I already know. But these misunderstandings are so dumb because they just escalate so quickly and I just don't know how to stop it unless I just act an emotionless robot. Keep your voice even, don't show any displeasure at things that aren't going your way. Do not use contractions. I'm too stubborn and he has strong views on how things should be. And I really just don't adhere to logical trains of thought but it's like I have to/should act a certain way around him so he doesn't get upset or completely misunderstand me and I feel like I'm not being myself which isn't so healthy in the long run. And I do talk without thinking most times and no one should take real offense but things that I think are no big deal, he gets all riled up about because he did misunderstand me. So what? I whined about missing the Giants game, all of a sudden I'm this insensitve prick about not wanting to a go to a church service before his friend's wedding service because of a football game. I already said I was going to go & I usually stick to my word so what if I whined? And yes you're a bigger Giants football fan but 3rd opportunity for me to go to Bibi's grandpa's death related gathering & I'm not going yet again. And I've been friends with her for half my life now. And I thought for a second that maybe love isn't enough when I always thought it was. And we are in love but maybe we're just not good for each other. Idk... a lot to think about. He apologized later for talking to me that way because I am a person he respects and is intellegent and he doesn't want to be that kind of person yelling at a person like me who he loves. I apologized for pushing him towards that behavior.

Side still hurts. I watched a good bootleg copy of Gran Turino, courtesy of Kuya Uge's coworker. Good movie, Clint Eastwood's still got it. His character reminded me of Uncle John, a scary racist version of him anyway.

Music: Green Bird from Cowboy Bebop soundtrack